This Thing Called Romantic Love

Love might be the most popular concept in the world. But until now, it has no concrete definition. Some say it is an emotion. Others claim it is more than that --- an emotion deeply rooted in personal experiences. But people have successfully broken down love into several types, each with its own components. One of them is “romantic love.”

For centuries, scholars have always tried to avoid studying “romantic love.” The Greeks feared that trying to understand and explain the science behind love would devoid it of its mystery. But then again, there are still those who dare.

Psychologist Zick Rubin proposed one of the most famous theories on romantic love. His theory suggests that only three components make up romantic love: attachment, intimacy, and caring. Attachment is the need for the physical contact and emotional support of the partner. Intimacy is the sharing of emotions and thoughts through confidential communication. Caring is the feeling of concern for your partner and valuing his or her happiness as much as your own. For Rubin, passion is not a component of romantic love.

For Robert Sternberg, however, passion is an important component of love. With his triangular theory of love, Sternberg also believed that love is composed of three elements: intimacy, commitment, and passion. According to him, love varies depending on the different combinations of these elements. A combination of intimacy and commitment leads to “compassionate love.” Passion and intimacy combined is “passionate love.” A combination of passion and intimacy (no commitment involved) results in “romantic love.”

Sternberg added that the kind of love composed of two or more elements is stronger than the kind built on just one element. For him, combining all three components (passion, intimacy, and commitment) results in “consummate love,” which Sternberg believes to be the most enduring kind. The sad thing is that this kind of love is very rare.